…a man be disquieted for sin, for which not to be disquieted is a sin, yet we may look too much, and too long upon it; for the soul hath a double eye, one to look to sin, another to look up to God’s mercy in Christ.
~ Richard Sibbes, The Soul’s Conflict With Itself, and Victory Over Itself By Faith.
I have met Christians (and have too often been one) who only know how to use one eye. They have an eye trained at ferreting out their sins. That eye is accustomed to tears and to strain. It has maturity, and of such a depth which seems uncommon amongst most Christians. This eye, so well trained in the germ that might turn to godliness, puts the soul in serious danger of sins exceedingly difficult to untangle from itself.
I have heard many reflect on the diary of David Brainard which stirs fears in me that they have only one eye trained. I, in years past, also had similar reflections from reading Brainard. Kanzo Uchimura describes his experience in his own journals:
Read the life of David Brainerd. As I read his diaries, I felt as if I was reading my own. When I came to the passage where he says “that which makes all my difficulties grievous to be borne, is that God hides his face from me,” I could not help crying. It was, however, very consoling to think that I am not the only one whom God disciplines with goads internal and external. I yearned after that sweet communion in heaven with such blessed and tried spirits as his.[1]
A friend was kind enough to reflect on his experiences with me, shared with me what he wrote in his reflections on Brainard’s Diary when he was far younger than he is today:
I must prepare to teach on James 3 this upcoming Saturday. I fear I may condemn myself. Just now I read more from David Brainard’s diary, and understood who’s command I am under, how vile and unprofitable I am, how un-sanctified my lips are in teaching and understanding to properly explain right doctrine; and also understood that if God calls me to this for the duration of my wretched life what exactly that will entail: a judgement very fierce; no matter how depressed and unfortunate I become in the pursuit to rightly carry out this duty in Christ, I will, as so many other teachers of the Bible, fail miserably much of the time, both in my heart and in my vocation.
The griefs and fears holding sway over Christians who have only one eye trained can be a terrible curse. It makes inward pharisees out of us all. If not to others, we tie up heavy burdens for ourselves that we cannot bear, and like Pilgrim we stumble through life, hunched over, drenched in tear. What a way for a child of God to behave! Wake! The whole course of your life is shouting at you that you are still in need of a Savior! Not a Savior in a moment of time, but a Savior for all time – and that we have provided for us in Christ – the same yesterday, today, and forever, who is the perfect sacrifice for all time and every sin.
“Ah! You are but one poor sinner, and your faith has but a light and small load upon it, namely, your own sins, which Christ took on himself fully, and is but a fraction of the infinite number he satisfied.” Rouse yourself, lay down this burden you have taken to yourself at the foot of the cross. No longer spite your Savior by denying Him that which He commands of you, namely, your weary soul. You are burdened by the depth and multiplicity of the sins you see. Has He not swallowed up trillions of sins besides these, and oceans of guilt that you will never know? And has He not commanded you to come and rest in Him? Come, I tell you, and have Christ! Let Him grab you now, today, if you cannot get a sense of holding on to Him – He will have you forever, only trust.
Open your other eye and see Christ there fore you, seated with God the Father most high. A great high priest who ever lives and pleads for you. Let tears fall from both eyes – one seeing your sin, and the other seeing the matchless Christ! Grow accustomed to the light of forgiveness you so often withhold from yourself. Do not let your darkened heart be the tyrannical pharisee over you that it has been. Though you do not feel it, thank God in Christ. No matter how deep your sin or how many, He is sufficient for them, and commands you to come to Him. Repeated sins are no excuse. You may not take on the burden of your sins of addiction to yourself because you commit them. You surrendered that deathly right when you trusted Him at first. Why would you go back to live in the grief and terror of Christless darkness. You are commanded to do it.
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
Your heart is hard toward yourself. You feel yourself unworthy. You put yourself down. You cast down your own soul. You who do this, you have given the devil a day off! You have taken up his work in your own soul. O poor soul, open both eyes. Is God not your Father? Is Christ not still your only ground for boasting? Are you still a slave to that which Christ once set your free from (Romans 8:15)? Do you no longer have the Spirit urging you to cry out to Jesus’ Father and your Father? To His God and your God? Let Christ have the rule of your heart – give it back to Him, you who are playing the part of your own slave master. Let His heart melt your heart toward yourself.
Tenderness of heart is wrought by an apprehension of tenderness and love in Christ. A soft heart is made soft by the blood of Christ. . . . I am sure nothing will melt the hard heart of man but the blood of Christ, the passion of our blessed Saviour. When a man considers of the love that God hath shewed him in sending of his Son, and doing such great things as he hath done, in giving of Christ to satisfy his justice, in setting us free from hell, Satan and death: the consideration of this, with the persuasion that we have interest in the same, melts the heart, and makes it become tender.
~ Richard Sibbes, Josiah’s Reformation
[1] Kanzo Uchimura, The Complete Works of Kanzo Uchimura, Volume 1, p. 159
Though I have written negatively of David Brainard’s Diary in this post, I do have respect for it, and for the man himself. A deeper exploration is needed, but that is not for this article.
You can read the works of Richard Sibbes for free here: https://standingbeforegodblog.wordpress.com/the-works-of-richard-sibbes-vol-1-7/
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